Once self-love and happiness are found by going inward, pointing outward is no longer an option.
—Birdee Golden, Healer in Internship with Spirit
Self-love? Well, it only took me half a century to figure out what that means. And I’m a card-carrying member of the Me Generation.
But which Me? Self-realized and self-fulfilled does not mean self-love. This I have learned the hard way. As I have gone further into the development of my Partnersh*t 2 Partnership Process for helping business partners build their Human Foundation, along with my personal growth and emergence as an expert in partnership consulting, I realize that the huge-est issue I had as a businesswoman was not losing my partnership or my business— it was losing myself.
I was powerful, creative, dynamic and got shit done. But I was also creative, nurturing, soft and emotional. Crap! Those two sides fought like angry badgers. Why?
Because I was not in partnership with ME!
Face it: We are all a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I let the head-based, masculine-energy part of me (THAT) take over at the expense of the heart-based feminine-energy me (THIS), which I have come to discover is infinitely and consistently more powerful. After all, behind every great man . . .
It nearly destroyed me.
The energy it took to slide out of who I really am for who I thought I needed to be in my business depleted me physically and emotionally.
Selves, can’t we all just get along????
Here, nearly 6 years later, I am still in “recovery,” so to speak. I have only recently understood what happened to me and have learned to merge two of my lovely selves (yes, there are others, but that’s a whole ‘nother Oprah), creating a space where they now work harmoniously for a better me. I am now clear that my masculine-energy side (HEAD) is the fuel that drives me and is completely necessary for me to participate in life, let alone business. Without her, TV and naps become my best friend. But the feminine side of me HEART) is where my soul resides, and from there all things are born, including my creative, nurturing, innovation and teaching abilities. She is now being heard in a way like never before and she LIKES IT!
So my message is this: Being Your Own Partner First is the first brick in building your Human Foundation. It has to be. So don’t go creating any other-people bricks until yours is solid.
This is what women want and need to talk about. And yes, we are talkers. It’s how we roll. I came up during the Women’s Lib Movement, and I bow down. They changed the world. I also feel the movement lost its way over time, perhaps swinging too harshly to the masc side. We as women were challenged, no, COMMANDED, to do it all, be it all and own it all. So we strapped on our balls and went for it. After all, women are pleasers, right?
But at what cost? For me, the cost was health, friendships, finances, relationships, self-esteem, peace and love. What did it cost you?
Welcome back to yourself, ladies! To be anything other than who you truly are and are doing/feeling/thinking/learning is disingenuous and inauthentic—two things I no longer allow in my life, and two things women I admire do not allow in theirs. Diane Sawyer, Louise Hay, Birdee Golden, the aforementioned Oprah, Pink and my mother come to mind. There are others.
So here are some tips for recapturing your own heart, living as your real self, therefore building your Human Foundation. This is about not just your business but your very life. They are inextricably intertwined. Make sure they are happy together.
- Be Calm. No screaming, no yelling. Quiet listening wins every time.
- Hear. Listen to what people are saying, not what you think they are saying.
- Set your own pace. Work within your energy resources, not someone else’s.
- Break up with people whose energies no longer resonate with you. They are still the same as they always were; you are not.
- Do not give up your power. You are the boss of you. Nobody else. Men who can’t handle strong women are not strong men. Pass them by.
- Fall in love with you. All of you. Give all parts of you the chance to live in harmony.
- Think happy thoughts. Trite? I think not. It’s hard to be angry and happy at the same time.
- Create! That’s why we are here.
- Make your life a no-blame zone. Be accountable. Own everything in your live—the good and the bad.
- Forgive. Remember Buddha’s Wisdom (he was a HEART guy and look how powerful he is): Holding on to anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Moral of the story: You can have it “all,” because “all” becomes YOUR internal definition and not the definition created on the outside. Just as we all don’t share the same taste in shoes (also VIP to women), so too do we not share the same definition of “all.”
What’s yours? I want to hear all about it.